A Teacher's Reflections

My whole life has always been about teaching. My mother was a teacher, and I guess it was bred into me. Growing up, my favorite thing to do, besides playing with Barbies or dolls, was to play school. Of course, I was always the teacher. My mother even saved an old wooden and metal desk from her first grade class for me, which is placed in my little Korbin Bru's room. Hopefully, it will inspire him to be scholarly as well.

Friday, I watched in horror as the news reported on the deaths of educators and the students in their school. At my school, the statement is always it is not if it happens, it is when. That used to be a thing that I might even roll my eyes at, and think oh nothing like that will ever happen in our little community. But, in the light of these tragic events and previous ones such as the incidents in the mall and theater, I have begun to reflect on being a teacher.

The educators at that school are no doubt heros. Some gave their lives, while others were spared. But through it all, they were doing what they were called to do-save the children. You see, I think being an educator is something that is born in us, not made or created. It is in our personalities, our needs, our desires, and it is present in our DNA. It is the need to give of ourselves. A teacher just doesn't put in their hours every day at school. They put their hearts, their souls, and ultimately their lives into their job. When our children suffer, we suffer along with them. When our children are hungry, we would gladly give them our lunch. When our children are cold, we make sure they have warm coats. We not only provide them with knowledge; we are secondary mommy and daddys. We love our students, and most of the time, they love us (unless you teach middle school like I do where all adults are ignorant most of the time-lol).

As a teacher, my heart breaks for the teachers left to pick up the pieces of the school. As a mother, my heart breaks for those other mothers that will never hold their little child again. So, I am torn. I am both a teacher and a mother. For years, many, many years, I was content to be just a teacher. It seems now that I am content to be just a mother. I am not sure in the light of all these occurrences that I can convincing do both. At the end of my life, I want to look back and be able to say that I "used" my time wisely. I do not want to look back and realize that I did not spend enough time with my son. I do not want to miss milestones. I don't want to miss any moments. It is becoming evident to me that my life's work is being a teacher, but maybe just maybe, my teachings need to be to my son.

Tragedy that hit too close for this Teacher

I found this picture on a google search and felt it was appropriate for today.

I sit here with a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. I feel sickened and disgusted at the horror that unfolded today in Connecticut. As I look at my precious babe in his daddy's arms, my heart swells and breaks at the same time. It is incomprehensible to me that someone could walk into a school and kill little, innocent children. Babies. Someone's son or daughter. Out there tonight, there are families whose child did not get off the bus this evening.  Children who did not come home from school. Parents who will not get to read their children bedtime stories, or tuck them in tonight, or ask them about their day at school. It breaks my heart that these little children were taken before their life ever really began. 

This unspeakable horror makes me nervous for my little boy. When did things go so wrong in this world? It was like 13 years ago that Columbine started the whole school shootings. However, since then there have been many school shootings, ranging all the way to college. Recently, there have been shootings in malls in the food court, and even in a movie theater. Is there no where that is safe anymore? It makes me want to put my son in a little bubble and keep him there forever. It makes me want to curl up on my couch, lock and dead bolt (a bunch of times) all my doors and order all my needs from places like Amazon. I am very convinced that I could get everything I ever needed without ever having to leave this house. Things like the shootings that have happened in the recent years have made me really think about creating an emergency station in my home-filled with things that we would need when this world goes bad. It just seems to me that the world keeps getting crueler and more horrific things are happening. Not just in terms of people killing others but other things like missiles being launched, earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes and all the other things that seemed to have ticked off mother nature. Just the other day I began preparing a list for 72 hour emergency packs, and today I am reminded of reasons that I want to begin those: pronto. 

I pray for the families of this unspeakable tragedy. I pray for guidance as this situation really hits home for me as a teacher who already didn't want to go back to work. As a teacher, I know how hurt this school must be. I know how it is to lose a student ( a couple of years ago I had a student leave my class only to collapse in his next class-gym), and as terrible as that was, it was only one student. I am not saying that because it was one child it was not important, all I am saying is that I can't imagine the pain that  I felt for the one child multiplied by 20 children. I cannot imagine a whole classroom of students. I cannot imagine it being students so terribly young. 

As a mother now, I have a whole other level of hurt. I have always heard things like "you will never know til you have one." As much as I rolled my eyes, and said yeah right, they were right. Korbin Bru brings a new perspective to this situation, one that I have never had before. Before him, I don't think that I could even imagine the hurt and devastation these families must be feeling. But now, as I look at him sleeping peacefully in his little bed, my heart hurts. I am not a crier by nature, as life has made me be tough, but today is a day for tears. 

I hope God puts his hands on this small community and helps to heal them in this tragic time. I pray for peace. I pray for this world. I pray that things like today will stop.

Chai Latte with a little "spice"

I have never been a coffee drinker. Growing up, I always loved the smell of my dad's coffee brewing in the coffee machine. But to sit down and have a cup, no way. 

Last year for Christmas, I bought Jeffrey a Keurig coffee machine. He made me try a cappuccino, which I actually liked. 

So fast forward a year, had heard a little about chai latte. So when at the store the other day, pushing my cart down the cereal aisle to pick up my shredded wheat, I saw some chai latte for the Keurig. Well, I just had to have it. So I came home to whip up a cup. As it was cooling, I decided to spice it up a little. I had recently bought some Pumpkin Spice Coffeemate (the sugar free kind) and added a little to the chai latte. Oh My...LOVE! The perfect combo. 

I would love to try it with the peppermint mocha too. I will have to pick that up the next time I go shopping.

3 months

Has it really been 3 months since the first time I saw your sweet face?! How time seems to already fly. Everyone said that when I had a baby that time would go so fast, or is that because now I am no longer in my 20's that it goes so fast. Either way, time...she's a flyin'. 

This month you have done so much and accomplished so much. At the same time, we have hit milestones, broken milestones, tried new things, went new places, and even let mommy go out with her friends one evening while daddy watched you for his longest Daddy son time ever!

You have been so caught up with the Christmas lights. You are just like your momma because you love the Christmas season in its entirety. You love to look at the Christmas lights and had a ball at the Fantasy of the Trees being able to look at all of the lights before you fell asleep in your daddy's arms.

The pediatrician diagnosed you with reflux. You have been spitting up so bad lately. I am talking projectile. Sometimes, whenever I would even set you up from eating you would "puke" all over us. Even now, sometimes you will be eating and "puke" while you are still eating, so it goes all over me and all over your face. When this happens, it really scares you and to tell you the truth it really freaks momma out. . So we had to give you some solids earlier than normal as well as give you this absolutely disgusting medication that tastes utterly terrible. Momma knows because she gave you kisses after giving you a dose and apparently you had spit it up and some got on your check and this it transferred to my lips. Ick...I am so sorry my son.  

Your personality, your little great big personality is beginning to shine through, and it is the most chill-lax personality. You really only cry when you are hungry or need to be changed. You let me pose you and take all kinds of pictures, you will sit in your little car and let me eat now-most of the time, you can entertain yourself with your favorite thing now-your hands. You have begun to squeal, laugh, and just coo and agoo so loud. You have the cutest little O face, and also the sweetest smile and silent laugh. I think I have memorized every little twitch of your happy face as it causes my heart to swell with this all encompassing love.

I can't believe that you are already a quarter of a year old. I know that with the threat of work looming in the distance, I dread the next few months as I know that I will be missing so many things that I really don't want to miss. I dread, I dread, I dread work.

Sugar-Free Dusted Apples

Okay, seriously, I have something wrong with me! I love, love, love apples right now. I buy golden delicious apples by the dozen it seems. My current obsession is apples sprinkled or dusted if you will with Jello. Seriously! I take a box of Sugar Free Jello (any flavor) and sprinkle it over my cut up apple. It seriously kills my sweet tooth!



Of course, you can do this with the sugar free or the other versions because all it takes is a little. I have been using the same box for over a month! My husband even liked it. The apple with cherry tastes a little like a candy apple to me. 

Into the Looking Glass

Korbin Bru loves his little mirror. If I had to say though, he likes the other side (the black and white photos) better than the mirror. However, I caught him just staring at himself and snapped this picture. He was staring so intently at himself, like he was trying to figure himself out. 

When I look in the mirror, I see who I am as a person. When he looks in the mirror, what does he see? He sees another baby. One day though, he will look in the mirror and see just who Korbin Bru is? But who is he? Everyday his little personality grows. He is learning things so very quickly. He is soaking up all the information in his world and processing it to the best of his ability. I believe that he will learn who he is and who he will be early on. I think that the beginning of a child's life can set the tone for him or her in the future. So, when he looks into the mirror later on in life, what do I want him to see?

As a teacher, I teach students. As a mother, I need to teach my son. There are so many things that I want to teach him. There are so many things that I want to show him. There are so many things I want to instill in him as he grows. I want to teach my son to be a man. Unfortunately, in my life, I have dealt with "men" who were more like boys. Boys whose mothers didn't help them get ready for the real world, either by doing everything for them, solving their problems, bailing them out of situations, or just "mothering" them to death. I do not want to do those things. I want to raise a man. I want to give him the best head start for his future. I am so excited about my challenge in raising my son to be a man. I am excited about what I can teach him.

However, I am also a little nervous as well. To teach my son, it means I have to approach things a little differently. Those things that aggravate me about my husband, are probably going to be the same things that aggravate me about my son. You know those little pesky things that get under your skin like a splinter and the rubs until it irritates it. Something so minuet that one might even look over it the first time, that is until it festers. I have come to learn that men (in general) can not find something that we can find in two seconds even if it is right in front of them. They also do not know how to search for something. The item they need is not there if they have to move it to find it. The Mt. Dew cans are expected to magically make their way to the trash can (even when the trash can is on the way to get another can and it would not be a problem to take the empty one with them to get a new one-ALAS)

-I know that I will not be able to rewrite those things that are so inherently male but I will try to understand and be more compassionate towards him. (This was made apparent by the book that I am currently reading). 
That's My Son
I have a list of characteristics and things that I am currently writing for a book that I want to put together for him. It is a book about things that I want him to know about. It is also about things that I want him to be and why. For example, I want him to persevere and then I go on to give him and anecdote and why I want that for him. This is all because when he looks into the mirror, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 15, 20, 30 years from now, I want him to see what I see when I look at him. For now, he is my little man. 

Daddy's Little Soldier

Jeffrey spent a long stretch in the military. He spent a lot of time overseas, fighting for our country. He almost didn't make it back, but thank God, he made it back so that we could find each other. Even though his military career was a long time ago, and he has a different career as a General Sales Manager now for a vehicle corporation, he still is a military man at heart. So, when we found out that I was pregnant, this picture was a must. I only wish that I had thought of adding his tags in there as well. The idea was that we wanted to transfer the flag idea over in pictures for our son. So we started with this one...

And we end with this one. This is absolutely one of Jeffrey's favorite photos. So, for Christmas...shhhh...I am having this picture done on a big canvas to hang on the wall. It means so much to have the flag. I also love the little hat with the stars. Jeffrey's dog tags are not perfectly placed but that face is just so beautiful. The picture has not been photoshopped at all as we wanted to capture his raw, natural beauty. Yes, I called my son a beauty. 

Isn't he a doll?