Motherhood: A Balancing Act~ A series

Standing, no hopping on 1 foot because my Yorkie is running around my feet, with a 20+ pound chunkers on my right arm, bottle in my right hand, baby spoon sticking out of my mouth sideways like one of those cavemen that have the bone sticking out of their nose, with my dinner in my left hand and baby's dinner in the crook of my arm, trying to juggle the ringing phone, the Facebook messages, the incessant @&$ beep of the I-pad telling me I have a new message or email, a husband asking me where something is that is completely out in the open in the refrigerator, but he still can't see it or find it and trying to choke out an answer to him over the spoon in my mouth, all while balancing a little colorful ball on my nose (just kidding about the ball-but that is how I feel sometimes). I feel like the little circus seal who does all these little tricks just to earn a fish-but I don't like fish. 

It is a wonder I don't drop things. 

Wait a minute! Sometimes, I do. I DROP THE BALL! I drop the effin ball!

I drop the food, the phone, the messages, the emails, time to blog and record my life and history, BUT NEVER, EVER, EVER do I drop the baby! 

But I do let him monkey climb into his Baby Einstein....ehhhh

Life for me has become a balancing act. A tight rope walk over a flood and fire, and everything else in between. Heck, motherhood has become a balancing act, a whole new host of responsibilities that now I have to juggle with two hands, two feet and one mouth. 

It has become all about making priorities, (and breaking them) all in the name of a little chubby boy that calls me momma or ma-ma-ma. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

At first, the thought of not being able to do everything, not complete my daily, weekly, yearly check list seemed to splinter my mind as I could not fathom how I would be able to let things go. I didn't know how I would let things fester on the back-burner  I didn't know how I would simply let things pile up-the laundry, the dishes, the umpteen thousand emails and missed phone calls, but I did. And I would again. 

All in the name of a little boy named Korbin Bru. Do I regret it? Heck no! I would do it all again, exactly the same way, as long as my little man is happy and healthy.

The moments with him are fleeting at best. Everyday he learns something new. He grows. He surprises me with his understanding of what I say or sign everyday. He shows he understands emotions when he hits and I act like I am crying, and  hugs me to show he is sorry. But I am wise enough to know that the time like this is fleeting. It is not constant. It is like the wind and the rain-unpredictable to a point. 

Soon, he will not want me to rock him or hold him or feed him. He will want to do it all by himself because he is that independent type. know he will be squirming to get out of my lap and go explore on his own. In truth, sometimes, even at 13 months, he does it now. He won't want to give away his kisses so freely as he does now(or more exactly, used to do), or want to get in my lap to play, or have me to read to him. (although I have to say that the wanting to get in my lap to hear a story has drastically increased--as long as he brings me the book---usually an Elmo rhyming book). 

I know in a few months that he will not need me like he does now. He will want to do it. Mr. Independent. He will want to search and explore his own world, and discover it with his own eyes, hands, and feet. He will run freely when I open his playroom gate with the exclamation "Free the prisoners" because his Bella dog is with him too. This causes an absolute run to the adult retreat because it is sooooo cool in a babies eyes that he can't have all the cool toys and buttons to push in his room. 

But in the end, at the end of the day, Mommy will be there (all the time), watching with her watchful, hawk like eyes and proud heart. 

I always  never thought I would be a stay at home mom, until my heart began living outside my body on that September day. 

But then, just for a moment (5 months) I thought I could do this. 

I thought that I could be a stay at home mommy. 

But alas, the teaching profession beckoned me back again. It calls out to me like a ghost in the night...and I (kicking and screaming) rejoin the workforce.

And I kicking and screaming...rejoin the living.
And I kicking and screaming...rejoin motherhood...c

37 Weeks

How far along? 37 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  19 and ½ lbs- got in a little trouble because I lost weight
Maternity clothes?  No.
Stretch marks?  No.
Sleep: I guess it is good that I don’t get much. It is preparation for what is to come.
Best moment this week: Shower.  Final shopping for him.  Installing the carseat.

Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  Are you kidding? I am ready to have a little normalcy back…well as normal as it can get with a newborn.
Movement:  Still a stretching feeling.
Food cravings: Breakfast-pancakes especially the blueberry ones from Chocolate Covered Katie with blueberry compote. I could eat that every morning if I didn’t have to get up and go to work. lol
Anything making you queasy or sick:  Still sick at night, so changed cracker types and trying to drink a little more water at night.
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  Lots of Braxton Hicks!
Belly Button in or out? In-I can’t believe it.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy.  So happy.

Weekly Wisdom:  Reward yourself. I have made it almost 10 months. I have exercised, researched, and researched some more. I have created, invented, worked…it is time for a reward. I am thinking diamonds-Jeffrey!!!
Looking forward to:  Meeting my little man.

36 Weeks

This is where my hubby is trying to make me laugh by saying "funny" things-I don't think it too funny. 

How far along? 36 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  21 + lbs.
Maternity clothes?  No.
Stretch marks?  No.
Sleep: It is icky. I probably get up every 1 or 2 hours. Experiencing pains and cramps-and my legs!!! Oh my legs!!!!
Best moment this week: Getting almost everything finished for the nursery. Only a couple of things left. Getting the bags packed!
Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  Regular things like bending over to shave my legs, or get laundry out without having to look like a sumo wrestler.
Movement:  Not so much kicks as more of a stretching feeling.
Food cravings: I want fruit. Strawberries, cantaloupe, blueberries, yummy.
Anything making you queasy or sick:  I am not sure but I am feeling sick at night so I have taken to eating a cracker right at bedtime to quell the queasiness.
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  Lots of Braxton Hicks!
Belly Button in or out? In but on its way out still.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy. I am over being pregnant though. I am ready to have my little boy here in my arms.
Weekly Wisdom:  When I have that cute little baby in my arms, I will know what real love is. In turn, it will make me love Jeff that much more, my family that much more, the world that much more.
Looking forward to:  Finishing the nursery and receiving the last few packages for him and some pampering for me. Getting my after baby arsenal ready!

35 Weeks

You can sort of see where the hemline falls in this picture as you get a faint glimpse of my knee.

From the front people say I don't look preggo

Side Note-this is not the same black dress as the last one. This one is actually short and from Old Navy. 

How far along? 35 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  20 + lbs.
Maternity clothes?  No.
Stretch marks?  No.
Sleep: I sleep till he decides to wake up and kick around which is usually around 4-5 o clock in the morning.
Best moment this week: Actually starting school with the students and finding out about my last baby shower (set for Aug. 21) at work.

Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  Being normal. My brain is off, my body is off, my balance is off, my food wants are off, and we won’t even talk about bodily functions…lol
Movement:  I feel like he is trying to stretch me out to make more room…
Food cravings: This is weird but water; ice cold water and apples (sometimes with a dollop of cool whip.   
Anything making you queasy or sick:  Sometimes it is just food in general…it is like I am hungry but as soon as I eat my stomach hurts, and I don’t feel good.
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  We will just say ouch.
Belly Button in or out? In but on its way out.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  This week I have to say moody. I am tired from starting school. I am over being pregnant. I am over hurting. I am over my legs hurting. I am tired of feeling like a beached whale. This has not been a good week in terms of mood (good thing I know how to smile through the pain and all the other thoughts and feelings.

Weekly Wisdom:  Enjoy “two” time because soon it will be interrupted by newborn cries, diaper duty, and projectile poops. ( I am hoping to talk my husband into a little romantic evening before little man decided to make his grand entrance).
Looking forward to:  My maternity photo session (Aug 12). My baby shower (Aug. 21). My next ultrasound (Aug. 22) ---and when my parents get back from their Alaskan cruise. 

34 Weeks

How far along? 34 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  19.5 + lbs.
Maternity clothes?  No.
Stretch marks?  No.
Sleep: Ugghh. What sleep? I need a nap almost like every day.
Best moment this week: Getting started back to school. I like to be organized, and I was afraid that little man might become impatient and decide to show up before I had a chance to get my room ready for the substitute.
Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  Being able to do for myself, a body that doesn’t hurt, and the tastes of food and drinks that I haven’t been able to have (green tea, strawberries now swell up my tongue…grrr)
Movement:  He loves to kick and turn and flip. I think my ribs are his punching board.
Food cravings: Chocolate chip cookie dough-I know I can’t have that so I have been eating the protein bars that taste like it.  
Anything making you queasy or sick:  Italian type stuff makes me not feel so good (maybe because he starts kicking and moving around.
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  Lots and lots of Braxton Hicks-some of them kind of painful.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy.
Weekly Wisdom:  He will come when he wants to come and there is nothing that I can do to speed it up or slow it down. (I vote for speed up)!
Looking forward to:  Getting a few more items for his nursery in the mail.  

33 Weeks

How far along? 33 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  18 + lbs.
Maternity clothes?  No.
Stretch marks?  No.
Sleep: I go out like a light but am up and down, and up and down again. Sometimes it is to pee, sometimes it is because little man is kicking around in there.
Best moment this week: Hearing the doctor say,“Look how big your little belly is getting.” Really?!?! When do you actually say that to someone.  My face was probably the best.

Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  Everything. I have to say I am at the point that I HATE being pregnant, and I want him to come NOW!
Movement:  Tons. My mom finally got to feel him which excited her beyond words. I was afraid she was going to cry.
Food cravings: Ice tea, chocolate, fruit, fruit, fruit, and breakfast foods-thank goodness that my baby shower had all of these things.
Anything making you queasy or sick:  I am not sure why but lately I haven’t been feeling 100 percent in the morning. I feel a little queasy or sick at my stomach and don’t want to eat much…(wonder why then such a big jump on the scale).
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  Lots and lots of Braxton Hicks-some of them kind of painful.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy.
Weekly Wisdom:  Weight is just a number. Weight is just a number. Weight is just a number. Hopefully it is his growth spurt, not mine.
Looking forward to:  Another baby shower. Getting started back to school (I know weird but that means I am that much closer to meeting my son. Finishing the nursery. 

32 Weeks

How far along? 32 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  16 + lbs.
Maternity clothes?  No. Still haven’t stepped foot into a maternity clothes store. I just haven’t needed to yet. Still wondering about what will happen when I have to go back to work.
Stretch marks?  No.
Sleep: It is an up and down roller coaster. Sometimes I sleep really well, and others it is crappy. Still having crazy dreams and having to go to the bathroom up-teen times in the night.
Best moment this week: Helping to plan for my baby shower on Saturday. Also spending time with my husband this past week on vacation. Finally, nailing down some ideas and projects left for the baby’s room.

Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  My waist line (lol). Actually being able to lay out or be out in the sun without dying of heat. Also not having my legs, feet, and ankles swell while being out in the heat. (the beach did a number on em).
Movement:  He is much more active now. Jeffrey actually got to see him moving…we were not sure if it was a foot or a knee but he saw him rolling about in my belly. I love the look on his face when he feels his son move (I think it is a look I will never forget. Then, the way he looks at me because I am carrying his son.)
Food cravings: It is definitely back to the sweet stuff. I still can devour a container of cut up cantaloupe and strawberries and blueberries with or without dip. But I love my chocolate, and while I try to have sugar free, sometimes, like on vacation you just have to be bad and have that chocolate covered creamed filled donut warmed up for breakfast. (I only have this once a year on a vacation).
Anything making you queasy or sick:  Yeah, but I can’t pinpoint it. I woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach thinking I thought you got morning sickness at the beginning of your pregnancy not at the end. I seemed to calm it with Sprite Zero (anyone can tell you that I do not drink sodas much-maybe 5 or less a year and usually only if I have to stop and get breakfast somewhere-like driving on a vacation) and a couple of Ritz crackers as my husband loves those little butter nibbles, and my pantry lacked the saltine kind of cracker because let’s face it-It is not soup weather!
Have you started to show yet:  Yes. It depends on my outfit. While at the beach, I did have a guy tell me I was having a boy, but then turned around and had two girls not have a clue I was even pregnant. So I guess it is all in the way I flaunt or hide the bump.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  No although lots and lots of Braxton Hicks-some of them kind of painful.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy.
Weekly Wisdom:  Advice should be taken with a grain of salt. People will offer opinions and thoughts when you didn’t ask. People will tell you what they think you are doing right and what they think you are doing wrong. Just do what is best and most comfortable for you, your little family and the baby. If you don’t think that Huggies diapers are good, then don’t buy them no matter what someone else says. If you only want your little one in organic clothing, then that is what you buy. Again, do what is best and what feels right for you and the little one.
Looking forward to:  Finishing the nursery in the next couple of weeks. I have the last few touches ordered, and we have a few more projects to complete. My husband says we are tackling these on Sunday…lets cross our fingers that we get it done. 

30 weeks

Dress is actually a maxi skirt pulled up to make a dress (love, love, love the ruffles) purchased at Marshalls on clearance
Red Belt from Kohls

How far along? 30 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  13 lbs.
Maternity clothes?  No, but I have found my new favorite way to dress. Maxi skirts and jersey skirts but pulled up as DRESSES! They look so cute. Loving my blue ruffled maxi skirt, especially when paired with my red belt.
Stretch marks?  No, I keep looking every night.
Sleep: Sleep-what is that? Lol. No, I do sleep probably more than I will in my first few weeks with the baby but it is definitely getting very sketchy at best. I have to get up and down, change positions.
Best moment this week: Finishing the stencil on little man’s wall. It looks awesome, and my wonderful husband did it all himself.

Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  The taste of things other than water. What I wouldn’t give for a green tea.
Movement:  He is a mover and a shaker and a kicker. I see him dance all the time.
Food cravings: I really wanted fro yo this week because it has been so hot, like 105. So we went to FroYoz. It was very similar to a place we went to in Vegas (Kind of pricey but less so than me dragging my husband to Vegas for the same thing…lol). The best part is that they have all different kinds of flavors so I didn’t have to choose just one. I did get a child’s cup-the hubby got a regular size and I couldn’t have ate all that, even pregnant.
Anything making you queasy or sick:  smelly trash, fish, and my husband’s socks lol
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  No
Belly Button in or out? In, but not for long.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy.
Weekly Wisdom:  Rainy day funds are the best. It is important that we have one for unexpected occurrences and things that we or baby might need.
Looking forward to:  Getting the canopy up and the bedding arriving (ordered from Etsy weeks ago). Also looking forward to July 4^th, the first time my husband has been off on a 4^th!

29 weeks

Dress from Delias (last year but it is online on clearance right now)
Belt from Target


How far along? 29 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  Doctor said almost 2 lbs so we will say 13 lbs.
Maternity clothes?  No. At this point, I might not.
Stretch marks?  Nope, still religiously using the Belly Oil.
Sleep: Icky. We did get a new King size bed because I was driving my husband nuts with my moving trying to get comfortable so hopefully my sleep will get better. Baby B has decided that his new favorite time to be active is about 4-5 am. HE HURTS!
Best moment this week: I am actually going to pick a worst moment-the blood glucose test.

Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  Being comfortable in my own skin or being comfortable period.  
Movement:  He is a mover.
Food cravings: Fruit again, although I would really like a doughnut (so can’t wait for vacation).
Anything making you queasy or sick:  garbage in the summer time
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  No
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy.
Weekly Wisdom:  Watch what you eat. This is not the time to stuff your face. It is the time to monitor what you put in your baby’s system.
Looking forward to:  Finishing out the stenciling and canopy. 

28 Weeks

How far along? 28 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  12 + lbs.
Maternity clothes?  Nope, still rocking the dresses.
Stretch marks?  No it is the Belly Oil.
Sleep: Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Between a growing belly that kicks me in the middle of the night, a dog who hogs the bed, and just and uncomfortableness in being in bed sleep officially sucks.
Best moment this week: Getting more stuff for the baby’s room (I just look forward to those boxes sitting on my porch). Hanging up stuff in the nursery. My mom coming home (she and my aunt took a trip to Arizona and Oregon to see my aunt’s daughters and grandkids. Giving my dad his “Grand Dad’s Diaper Duty Service Tool Belt”. He was proud as a peacock.

Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  Feeling like a human being. I feel like a little of my identity is slipping away as all I talk about (or all people want to talk about) is the baby.
Movement:  Tons, sometimes so hard it hurts.
Food cravings: Sweets. It doesn’t help that my husband has this incredible sweet tooth and just loves to “feed the baby” which means it is going into my mouth.
Anything making you queasy or sick:  Seafood smells, yucky.
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  No
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy, but at a point that I can’t wait to get it over with because I feel miserable because of the aches and pains.
Weekly Wisdom:  Exercise, it will make you feel better.
Looking forward to:  Taking a trip with my husband and spending some one on one time with him. It is much needed. It is probably going to be a couple of weeks since Jeffrey just found someone to do finance, and she has to be trained. But it will be nice to have some time with him. 

27 weeks

How far along? 27 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  12 + lbs.
Maternity clothes?  Nope. I love being pregnant in summer-DRESSES, DRESSES, AND MORE DRESSES.
Stretch marks?  No.
Sleep: It is officially yucky. Our bed is no longer big enough for the three of us (since our little yorkie likes to lay the opposite of us and takes up more room than either Jeffrey or I do).
Best moment this week: I have to say this week has been hard but if I had to pick a moment it would have to be ordering the bedding and crib skirt and multiple other things. I love getting things for the nursery. This week has been difficult because a couple days after the Grand Opening, the finance manager was killed in a horrific car accident that ejected him from his car. It has been rough on Jeffrey because now he is taking on two jobs-finance and his GSM job. It has also been really hard on the rest because some of them had been with Paul for a decade or more. They lost not only an employee but a friend.

Top from Belk (you can't tell it here but the sides are ruched with ties)
The capris are from Goody's

Side note-I was using a new chalkboard pin...I guess the blue doesn't come through well. If I remember (lol) I will take a couple new pictures with a new sign.

Have you told family and friends:  Yes.
Miss Anything?  No pain in my legs. My legs and back hurt constantly, especially if I sit down for a while. (I may have to up my 3 miles to like 5 or 6).
Movement:  He is my little kicker. Last night I laid down and he started pitching a fit. I mean kicking and giving me this pinching feeling. So I thought he didn’t like the way I was laying so I rolled over trying to appease him but he still kept on. Finally, I had an air bubble come up and he settled down. He was trying to let me know he was uncomfortable, and I did my best to fix it for him. Jeff thought it was amazing how he was already communicating with me.
Food cravings: Fruit and sweet stuff. I love cantaloupe and strawberries and frozen pineapple. Yum…mix fruit with yogurt and granola, and I am in heaven. I swear I could eat that at every meal and be a very happy girl.
Anything making you queasy or sick:  Seafood smells, yucky.
Have you started to show yet:  Yes.
Gender:  BOY.
Labor Signs:  No
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy, but anxious. I want to finish the nursery. In fact, Jeff wants to spend his father’s day working on the nursery. I was like you need a break but he is determined to do a little bit on it. I told him we could hang things and work on the peg board.
Weekly Wisdom:  Live life. Live life to the fullest. Never take a moment for granted. Never take your family for granted. Never leave angry. We are not guaranteed a tomorrow, so we must make everyday count.
Looking forward to:  Well since the accident, our vacation has had to be put on hold, and while I still secretly hope we will be able to steal away for a few days, I don’t know when. I am looking forward to getting my crib bedding, and chair, and baby room accessories. I still must find an armoire.