Imagine, for a moment if you will, this little scenario upon arriving home. Insert the fog and sweet music playing softly.
You find your husband waiting on you with flowers. (Maybe he picked them from the flowerbed and your flowerbed is now bare, but still it is flowers). It is the thought that counts, right?
You then discover (to your great surprise and a little bit of anxiety) that your little one is gone for the night with his beloved Gamma and Popa.
There is a hint of the soft sound of music playing in the background as he takes you in his arms and kisses your lips passionately. Don't worry, I am not going 50 shades deep any time soon!!!
A heavenly smell hits your nose as you realize that he is cooking dinner for you. AND ITS NOT BURNING!
Flowers AND dinner.
What on earth did you do? UH oh. What bad news is he bracing you for? He is cheating on you isn't he...? Maybe, he lost his job? Maybe he is really trying to be sweet?!? No, that couldn't be it...COULD IT?
You find your husband waiting on you with flowers. (Maybe he picked them from the flowerbed and your flowerbed is now bare, but still it is flowers). It is the thought that counts, right?
You then discover (to your great surprise and a little bit of anxiety) that your little one is gone for the night with his beloved Gamma and Popa.
There is a hint of the soft sound of music playing in the background as he takes you in his arms and kisses your lips passionately. Don't worry, I am not going 50 shades deep any time soon!!!
A heavenly smell hits your nose as you realize that he is cooking dinner for you. AND ITS NOT BURNING!
Flowers AND dinner.
What on earth did you do? UH oh. What bad news is he bracing you for? He is cheating on you isn't he...? Maybe, he lost his job? Maybe he is really trying to be sweet?!? No, that couldn't be it...COULD IT?
Motherhood: A Balancing Act Part 5- A Marriage on Hold
It could!
My husband and I were always the two people that others envisioned sitting on the park bench when we were 80 or 90 still holding hands
and cuddled up together. Seriously, we were THAT couple.
It has been said that we would always be on our honeymoon.
Welp. The honeymoon has ended.
For the past few months, efff really fourteen months, it has been so difficult to even squeeze out time for myself or my body. To heck with trying to squeeze out time for my husband and I to be together.
Sometimes, we just both would collapse on the bed from exhaustion. Sometimes, he wants to watch tv and all I want to do is sleep, or blog, or throw my computer through the window.
I would say that I had plenty of reason to want to sleep.
The reason was probably because I had to get up with the baby upteen times the night before while he (the husband) slept soundly. Which makes me want to smother him with a pillow because he snores while I am wide awake with a crying baby. Oh yes, watch your back hubby-or should I say your face. (This is complete sarcasm-I would not actually try to smother him with a pillow-just maybe fantasize about it while everyone but me is sleeping).
It has been said that we would always be on our honeymoon.
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| Miami December 2011 |
Welp. The honeymoon has ended.
For the past few months, efff really fourteen months, it has been so difficult to even squeeze out time for myself or my body. To heck with trying to squeeze out time for my husband and I to be together.
Sometimes, we just both would collapse on the bed from exhaustion. Sometimes, he wants to watch tv and all I want to do is sleep, or blog, or throw my computer through the window.
I would say that I had plenty of reason to want to sleep.
The reason was probably because I had to get up with the baby upteen times the night before while he (the husband) slept soundly. Which makes me want to smother him with a pillow because he snores while I am wide awake with a crying baby. Oh yes, watch your back hubby-or should I say your face. (This is complete sarcasm-I would not actually try to smother him with a pillow-just maybe fantasize about it while everyone but me is sleeping).
A baby can definitely put a strain on your marriage. We already know that it puts a strain on your amount of sleep time. The strain of a baby is momentous if you
don’t figure out how you are going to juggle being mommy and daddy and still be
husband and wife.
In truth, we needed a game plan to get back in the game.
Our relationship has been on a hiatus since our son was born, but we both acknowledge that we need to make it a priority. (There is that stubborn word again that keeps popping up in all my posts). But it is true. Things that we want, things that we need, need to be a priority. Even if they become part of a to do list.
Because we know that our son is not going to stay a baby forever. He is going to get older. We both know that one day our son will grow up.
AT the same time, we are his role models. We need to show him how he should love his future spouse and how he should want to be loved in return.
We don't want him to give too much or give him too little nor do we want him to receive too much or receive too little. We want it too be just like the Goldilocks porridge-just right.
One day our son will go off to college, and we will be left with only each other. What we don’t want is to have two people looking at complete strangers. We don't want to be room mates. We want to be on our honeymoon for our entire life. We don't want it to be like yay, we raised our son to be the best person we could, now it is time for us to have fun again. We want to have fun with each other-NOW! We don't want to lose the US.
I might make some people mad by saying my son comes first, but in reality doesn't he? Shouldn't he?
If your baby were in the hospital, wouldn't you give up your romantic night to be with your baby? You would put your needs and your spouse's needs aside for your child’s sake.
Now, I do believe that a relationship with your spouse should be a number one priority, ranking right up there with your child but sometimes, your child is going to win out because, well, that is just how it is. But that doesn't mean that all the time you should put your relationship on the back burner, sometimes, just sometimes you need to put it first.
In truth, we needed a game plan to get back in the game.
Our relationship has been on a hiatus since our son was born, but we both acknowledge that we need to make it a priority. (There is that stubborn word again that keeps popping up in all my posts). But it is true. Things that we want, things that we need, need to be a priority. Even if they become part of a to do list.
Because we know that our son is not going to stay a baby forever. He is going to get older. We both know that one day our son will grow up.
AT the same time, we are his role models. We need to show him how he should love his future spouse and how he should want to be loved in return.
We don't want him to give too much or give him too little nor do we want him to receive too much or receive too little. We want it too be just like the Goldilocks porridge-just right.
One day our son will go off to college, and we will be left with only each other. What we don’t want is to have two people looking at complete strangers. We don't want to be room mates. We want to be on our honeymoon for our entire life. We don't want it to be like yay, we raised our son to be the best person we could, now it is time for us to have fun again. We want to have fun with each other-NOW! We don't want to lose the US.
I might make some people mad by saying my son comes first, but in reality doesn't he? Shouldn't he?
If your baby were in the hospital, wouldn't you give up your romantic night to be with your baby? You would put your needs and your spouse's needs aside for your child’s sake.
Now, I do believe that a relationship with your spouse should be a number one priority, ranking right up there with your child but sometimes, your child is going to win out because, well, that is just how it is. But that doesn't mean that all the time you should put your relationship on the back burner, sometimes, just sometimes you need to put it first.
The interesting thing about having a child is how much it changes your life, and how much it changes you.
A child changes every aspect about your life-if you let it. One thing that it can drastically change is your marriage. However, it doesn't always have to change it for the worse.
Unfortunately, I know a lot of people to get divorced after having children. It seems that having children might create a strain or a giant rift on a relationship. However, would you believe that the divorce rate is actually higher for those couples without children?! Shocking!
For me, having a child made me change. It made me look at things in a whole new light. The moment they placed that sweet angel in my arms, I loved everything that much more. I loved my parents more. I loved my husband more. I loved myself more. I now had this little life depending on me, and I had to make sure that he was surrounded by people who loved him as much as I did.
This meant I needed to love my husband more and also I needed to love myself more to make sure that I would always be around for my son.
Life doesn't have to be an Al Bundy with his hand down his pants sitting on the couch watching tv while his wife shops. It doesn't have to be that way.
However, the fact is that it is easier to slip into a routine that makes life a little less than exciting, a little less than it was. Sometimes you focus so much on your baby that you forget about each other.
It all boils down to one thing. One thing that we can't change. TIME. There doesn't seem to be enough of it in a day, to work, do house stuff, play with your child, do dinner, do bath, worry about bills, do laundry, and still have time to be or feel sexy enough to want to be loving with your spouse.
My advice (and yes, I am looking in the mirror while I say this) is to steal time. Put the baby to bed a few minutes earlier. Wake up a few minutes earlier. Go to bed a few minutes later. Let a chore go for one night. Put dates on the calender. Schedule some fun family time too! Date nights at home are a great alternative too.
One of our favorites is the standard pizza and movie with a twist. I am going to give two versions- one is go to your local grocery store and buy a 6 pack of mix and match. You get two frosty mugs and split each one. Keep the labels and/or the lids as a memento or just to be able to get something different next time. The other option is getting different drinks that you haven't tried or even buying different juices, syrups, flavorings and trying your hand at alcohol free drinks-hey, you can't beat my mock-tail cocktail champagne with light grape juice, diet ginger ale and a splash of pineapple juice.
The best thing is just don't get into the rut of always doing the same thing. We are in the process of creating a date night book. This book has different restaurants listed (with menus), different activities for the area, special monthly events, and a list of our favorite activities our not so favorite activities and the ones that we haven't done, but would like to. It just helps to take a little of the stress and worry out of date night. I am even thinking of making it into a little game for a date. There are just so many possibilities.
That is what I am looking forward to the most. The possibilities. The newness. The getting out of the RUT! The getting out of this holding pattern that having a baby can have on a marriage.
Tomorrow night my mom and dad have the baby for the night. So we have a DATE! It has been planned exclusively by my husband-even down to my (gulp) clothes. Yes that is right ladies. My husband has chosen my outfit to keep the location of our date a secret. The only thing that I hope and pray for is that it at least matches. If I take a picture of polka dots and stripes please know that my husband dressed me. But, I have the next one.
Until then, I will continue to hold my husband's hand, and we will weather the storm. We will find our Honeymoon phase again.
And as I was typing my husband walked in with a new I-phone
5s for me. So I am going to go play...
There may be hope for him yet. I won't smother him with that pillow tonight.
A child changes every aspect about your life-if you let it. One thing that it can drastically change is your marriage. However, it doesn't always have to change it for the worse.
Unfortunately, I know a lot of people to get divorced after having children. It seems that having children might create a strain or a giant rift on a relationship. However, would you believe that the divorce rate is actually higher for those couples without children?! Shocking!
 |
| Christmas Party |
For me, having a child made me change. It made me look at things in a whole new light. The moment they placed that sweet angel in my arms, I loved everything that much more. I loved my parents more. I loved my husband more. I loved myself more. I now had this little life depending on me, and I had to make sure that he was surrounded by people who loved him as much as I did.
This meant I needed to love my husband more and also I needed to love myself more to make sure that I would always be around for my son.
Life doesn't have to be an Al Bundy with his hand down his pants sitting on the couch watching tv while his wife shops. It doesn't have to be that way.
However, the fact is that it is easier to slip into a routine that makes life a little less than exciting, a little less than it was. Sometimes you focus so much on your baby that you forget about each other.
It all boils down to one thing. One thing that we can't change. TIME. There doesn't seem to be enough of it in a day, to work, do house stuff, play with your child, do dinner, do bath, worry about bills, do laundry, and still have time to be or feel sexy enough to want to be loving with your spouse.
My advice (and yes, I am looking in the mirror while I say this) is to steal time. Put the baby to bed a few minutes earlier. Wake up a few minutes earlier. Go to bed a few minutes later. Let a chore go for one night. Put dates on the calender. Schedule some fun family time too! Date nights at home are a great alternative too.
One of our favorites is the standard pizza and movie with a twist. I am going to give two versions- one is go to your local grocery store and buy a 6 pack of mix and match. You get two frosty mugs and split each one. Keep the labels and/or the lids as a memento or just to be able to get something different next time. The other option is getting different drinks that you haven't tried or even buying different juices, syrups, flavorings and trying your hand at alcohol free drinks-hey, you can't beat my mock-tail cocktail champagne with light grape juice, diet ginger ale and a splash of pineapple juice.
The best thing is just don't get into the rut of always doing the same thing. We are in the process of creating a date night book. This book has different restaurants listed (with menus), different activities for the area, special monthly events, and a list of our favorite activities our not so favorite activities and the ones that we haven't done, but would like to. It just helps to take a little of the stress and worry out of date night. I am even thinking of making it into a little game for a date. There are just so many possibilities.
That is what I am looking forward to the most. The possibilities. The newness. The getting out of the RUT! The getting out of this holding pattern that having a baby can have on a marriage.
Tomorrow night my mom and dad have the baby for the night. So we have a DATE! It has been planned exclusively by my husband-even down to my (gulp) clothes. Yes that is right ladies. My husband has chosen my outfit to keep the location of our date a secret. The only thing that I hope and pray for is that it at least matches. If I take a picture of polka dots and stripes please know that my husband dressed me. But, I have the next one.
Until then, I will continue to hold my husband's hand, and we will weather the storm. We will find our Honeymoon phase again.
And as I was typing my husband walked in with a new I-phone
5s for me. So I am going to go play...
There may be hope for him yet. I won't smother him with that pillow tonight.
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