Motherhood: A Marriage on Hold- Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget 
Sometimes I forget things...
like where I put my car keys or where I sat down my camera (possibly at the MGM grand)??? Sometimes I forget that you replaced said camera that I left in the MGM Grand because I was so torn up about leaving it that I couldn't enjoy the Chris Angel Believe Show (completely sober- if there had been alcohol involved I might have had a valid excuse, but alas) You replaced it anyway.Sometimes I forget things...like the fact you surprised me with plane tickets to Las Vegas (in the first place, even if I lost a camera there) and even though I was petrified of flying, but promised me 50 years if I would get on that plane with you .Sometimes I forget things...like what to get at the grocery store especially If it I wasn't on the list...that now famous list that is attached to my phone. Heaven forbid I ever leave my phone in the bathroom stall of the MGM Grand. Sometimes I forget things... like to do the laundry...awww heck who am I foolin', I just felt lazy .Sometimes I forget things... like to do something that I was supposed to do because I really can't remember what that thing was (can I still blame pregnancy brain over a year later?!) 

 And sometimes I forget that life is not like the movies...you know those romantic kinds that leave the women swooning and the men rolling their eyes at all the things you now think they should do.
Sometimes I forget that just because there is silence doesn't mean we are not communicating Sometimes I forget that you had your passport rush ordered and stayed up to receive it at 2 am just to take me to Jamaica . Sometimes I forget that you sent me flowers to work just because 

Sometimes I forget you went to get me a Sunday paper because you thought I might like to look at the ads and do some wishful thinking.Sometimes I forget that you bought me two new mother's gifts to give me at the hospital Sometimes I forget things.... 

And I say it's because I am new mommy 

sleep deprived...

but I forget you are too, not a mommy mind you, but sleep deprived too 

I forget that you get up with our son so I came get some more sleep. I forget that you send me out to get my nails done or do some shopping so I can have me time while you get none

I forget you run me a bath complete with bubbles and an occasion candle or two and pour me a cold drink because you want me to relax from my day. Sometimes I forget to take a moment and watch you with our son, playing, reading, teaching him 

Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget that you are our son's role model and remember that he will learn how to treat a woman from how you treat me .Sometimes I forget that you are human and do have buttons and quite frankly I like to push those buttons because sometimes you just tick me off.Sometimes I forget because I have had a rotten day 

and sometimes, just sometimes, I like to  forget that in a years time you whisked me off to Vegas, Jamaica, and a cruise. I forget that you take the time to give me a kiss everyday the moment you come in .

I forget things ...I forget how I felt the first time you told me about Iraq and Afghanistan and why you always wear an Aflac hat .I forget that you served our country and almost died doing so .Sometimes I forget that when you have to stay over at work (which really, really agrivates me) that you do so for our family .Sometimes I forget that you write sweet messages to me on my bathroom mirror. Sometimes I forget that even though I have ink stains on two of my favorite articles of clothing that you did the laundry ( check your pockets better next time) I forget that you are my best friend and at the end of the day you are the one I want to share my story with at Applebee's (yes-a throw back to Couples Retreat) .

I forget how I felt seeing you at the alter on our wedding day, seeing the tears in your eyes as I walked to you. I forget how you surprised me with the limo ride after the wedding to have our picture taken at the welcome to Vegas sign. Sometimes I forget all the little things that made me fall in love with you 

Sometimes I forget why I got married...
 Sometimes, just sometimes, I forget .... 

Bc all I can see are the things you don't do.... Like cheat on me 
Or go out drinking with buddies Or not go to bed with me Or talk with other women on Facebook 
or match.com Or a whole host of things you don't do.... 

It is time to take stock of what you do and don't do as a husband, 

and it is time for me to stop forgetting. 

Motherhood: A Balancing Act Part 5- A Marriage on Hold

Imagine, for a moment if you will, this little scenario upon arriving home. Insert the fog and sweet music playing softly. 

You find your husband waiting on you with flowers. (Maybe he picked them from the flowerbed and your flowerbed is now bare, but still it is flowers). It is the thought that counts, right?

You then discover (to your great surprise and a little bit of anxiety) that your little one is gone for the night with his beloved Gamma and Popa. 

There is a hint of the soft sound of music playing in the background as he takes you in his arms and kisses your lips passionately.  Don't worry, I am not going 50 shades deep any time soon!!!

A heavenly smell hits your nose as you realize that he is cooking dinner for you. AND ITS NOT BURNING! 

Flowers AND dinner. 

What on earth did you do? UH oh. What bad news is he bracing you for? He is cheating on you isn't he...? Maybe, he lost his job? Maybe he is really trying to be sweet?!? No, that couldn't be it...COULD IT?

Motherhood: A Balancing Act Part 5- A Marriage on Hold

It could!

My husband and I were always the two people that others envisioned sitting on the park bench when we were 80 or 90 still holding hands and cuddled up together. Seriously, we were THAT couple. 

It has been said that we would always be on our honeymoon. 

Miami December 2011

Welp. The honeymoon has ended. 

For the past few months, efff really fourteen months, it has been so difficult to even squeeze out time for myself or my body. To heck with trying to squeeze out time for my husband and I to be together. 

Sometimes, we just both would collapse on the bed from exhaustion. Sometimes, he wants to watch tv and all I want to do is sleep, or blog, or throw my computer through the window. 

I would say that I had plenty of reason to want to sleep. 
The reason was probably because I had to get up with the baby upteen times the night before while he (the husband) slept soundly. Which makes me want to smother him with a pillow because he snores while I am wide awake with a crying baby. Oh yes, watch your back hubby-or should I say your face. (This is complete sarcasm-I would not actually try to smother him with a pillow-just maybe fantasize about it while everyone but me is sleeping).

A baby can definitely put a strain on your marriage. We already know that it puts a strain on your amount of sleep time. The strain of a baby is momentous if you don’t figure out how you are going to juggle being mommy and daddy and still be husband and wife. 

In truth, we needed a game plan to get back in the game. 

Our relationship has been on a hiatus since our son was born, but we both acknowledge that we need to make it a priority. (There is that stubborn word again that keeps popping up in all my posts). But it is true. Things that we want, things that we need, need to be a priority. Even if they become part of a to do list.

Because we know that our son is not going to stay a baby forever. He is going to get older. We both know that one day our son will grow up. 

AT the same time, we are his role models. We need to show him how he should love his future spouse and how he should want to be loved in return. 

We don't want him to give too much or give him too little nor do we want him to receive too much or receive too little. We want it too be just like the Goldilocks porridge-just right. 

One day our son will go off to college, and we will be left with only each other. What we don’t want is to have two people looking at complete strangers. We don't want to be room mates. We want to be on our honeymoon for our entire life. We don't want it to be like yay, we raised our son to be the best person we could, now it is time for us to have fun again. We want to have fun with each other-NOW! We don't want to lose the US.  

I might make some people mad by saying my son comes first, but in reality doesn't he? Shouldn't he? 

If your baby were in the hospital, wouldn't you give up your romantic night to be with your baby? You would put your needs and your spouse's needs aside for your child’s sake. 

Now, I do believe that a relationship with your spouse should be a number one priority, ranking right up there with your child but sometimes, your child is going to win out because, well, that is just how it is. But that doesn't mean that all the time you should put your relationship on the back burner, sometimes, just sometimes you need to put it first.

The interesting thing about having a child is how much it changes your life, and how much it changes you. 

A child changes every aspect about your life-if you let it. One thing that it can drastically change is your marriage. However, it doesn't always have to change it for the worse. 

Unfortunately, I know a lot of people to get divorced after having children. It seems that having children might create a strain or a giant rift on a relationship. However, would you believe that the divorce rate is actually higher for those couples without children?! Shocking! 

Christmas Party

For me, having a child made me change. It made me look at things in a whole new light. The moment they placed that sweet angel in my arms, I loved everything that much more. I loved my parents more. I loved my husband more. I loved myself more. I now had this little life depending on me, and I had to make sure that he was surrounded by people who loved him as much as I did. 

This meant I needed to love my husband more and also I needed to love myself more to make sure that I would always be around for my son. 

Life doesn't have to be an Al Bundy with his hand down his pants sitting on the couch watching tv while his wife shops. It doesn't have to be that way. 

However, the fact is that it is easier to slip into a routine that makes life a little less than exciting, a little less than it was. Sometimes you focus so much on your baby that you forget about each other.

It all boils down to one thing. One thing that we can't change. TIME. There doesn't seem to be enough of it in a day, to work, do house stuff, play with your child, do dinner, do bath, worry about bills, do laundry, and still have time to be or feel sexy enough to want to be loving with your spouse. 

My advice (and yes, I am looking in the mirror while I say this) is to steal time. Put the baby to bed a few minutes earlier. Wake up a few minutes earlier. Go to bed a few minutes later. Let a chore go for one night. Put dates on the calender. Schedule some fun family time too! Date nights at home are a great alternative too. 
One of our favorites is the standard pizza and movie with a twist. I am going to give two versions- one is go to your local grocery store and buy a 6 pack of mix and match. You get two frosty mugs and split each one. Keep the labels and/or the lids as a memento or just to be able to get something different next time. The other option is getting different drinks that you haven't tried or even buying different juices, syrups, flavorings and trying your hand at alcohol free drinks-hey, you can't beat my mock-tail cocktail champagne with light grape juice, diet ginger ale and a splash of pineapple juice. 

The best thing is just don't get into the rut of always doing the same thing. We are in the process of creating a date night book. This book has different restaurants listed (with menus), different activities for the area, special monthly events, and a list of our favorite activities  our not so favorite activities and the ones that we haven't done, but would like to. It just helps to take a little of the stress and worry out of date night. I am even thinking of making it into a little game for a date. There are just so many possibilities. 

That is what I am looking forward to the most. The possibilities. The newness. The getting out of the RUT! The getting out of this holding pattern that having a baby can have on a marriage.  

Tomorrow night my mom and dad have the baby for the night. So we have a DATE! It has been planned exclusively by my husband-even down to my (gulp) clothes. Yes that is right ladies. My husband has chosen my outfit to keep the location of our date a secret. The only thing that I hope and pray for is that it at least matches. If I take a picture of polka dots and stripes please know that my husband dressed me. But, I have the next one. 

Until then, I will continue to hold my husband's hand, and we will weather the storm. We will find our Honeymoon phase again. 

And as I was typing my husband walked in with a new I-phone 
5s for me. So I am going to go play...

There may be hope for him yet. I won't smother him with that pillow tonight. 

Computers...Who Needs 'Em?

Computers...Who needs 'em? 

I DO! 

But computers and technology in general does not like me all the time. 

For example, it didn't like me on Halloween when I tried to upload my little Monkey's Halloween pictures of his first trick or treat outing. It decided that everything was corrupted and CRASHED! 

It is still having glitches. Ugh. This has prompted my husband to start looking at laptops and desktops for me for a Christmas present? 

I really like the mobility of the laptop but sometimes not so much the battery life. I am not sure what would be more beneficial to me. I am sure the majority of people have laptops but then again...? What do you think...LAPTOP OR DESKTOP?

Motherhood: A Balancing Act- Interlude 2

I sort of interrupt this series to interject my formula for a balancing act. I am by no means a math teacher. I hate math actually. I am a language person. I am usually the one with the great, big discoveries, or the one spewing the philosophical junk. However, sometimes, just sometimes, my daddy proves to me that you can be a mathematician and still be able to spew philosophical junk.

My crazy daddy accidentally put on my mom's capri pants. My mom is 5 foot tall, they really don't look right on a 6 foot tall man. 

My daddy is my biggest fan. He has been my go-to guy for ever. My biggest cheerleader. Can I say that about a guy, especially a guy who is my dad? Idk. But I did.  

My daddy has always given me very sound and reasonable advice.
Although I have to admit that there were many years that I didn't take said advice. One of the things he told me was about how to create the perfect balance in life. This balance is more about success for life vs just success for being a mother, but I still think it is applicable anyway, as we all want to succeed, whether it is at life or being a mommy. It is success that drives most individuals. It is what we strive for day in and day out. Whether it is success at a presentation for work, a new product we have designed, a blog post that has tons of hits, or teaching our son or daughter to use a fork or go in the "big" potty. Our definitions of success are very different, depending on what we want to be successful at. 

So here is my daddy's formula for life-one in which to be successful.

*Note- this has been modified by me. I did not copy my daddy word for word, but took his general "speech" to me and paraphrased it. (Actually my daddy typed up a "plaque" for me once with this information on it to set it somewhere I would read it everyday). 

Reason+logic+emotion= success.

You have to determine the proper ratio that fits you. Just like with everything in life, you have to decide what amount fits you. What amount can you eat, how much does you body need you to exercise, how much can you spend on that dress that makes your legs look like the Victoria Secret Model in the catalog? 

Now on to the formula explanation: 

We all have the ability to reason things out. We all possess a certain amount of logic. We all can be emotional from time to time, even if we don't want to show it. Emotion is the one component that is the hardest to balance. It is difficult to keep from over weighting emotion when making decisions, especially when it comes to our children. 

Reason and logic are the major tools for making an emotional decision, but on the other hand, emotion has a major effect on reason and logical decisions. It seems like it is one of those situations that you have half a dozen in one hand and 6 in the other. 

The key, but also the most difficult part, is proper balance of all three components. Dang it, another thing to balance on my nose or whatever other appendage I have readily available.

If you don't like the path you are on or you just can't juggle the components or balance a ball so perfectly on your nose, make adjustments to your formula. If you see that you are in a hole, quit digging and climb out. Hopefully there is a ladder so you don't have to haul your behind out of a trench!

Reason and logic are the major components of common sense, while emotion is made up of feelings (guilt- over the fact that you ate that cupcake or didn't get that run in, happiness- that your son said momma or gave you a hug without you asking, anger-that your husband is teaching your son things that you don't want him to know, or is snoring when you have been up with the baby umpteen times that night and just want some sleep).

Before any major decision is made one needs to first think about what you are about to do, why you are about to do it, and what will be the short and long term effect be. Efffff. Who has time for that? I barely have time it seems to take a shower, clean house, and make sure a hot meal is on the table...you actually want me the THINK?! 

Yeah, unfortunately. I can no longer use the pregnancy brain excuse. Is there such a thing as mommy brain? 

The truth is: You can never ask yourself too many questions. 

• Do I need this? 
• How do I justify this? 
• What are the pros and cons ? 
• Was I honest and sincere in my thought process and my answers? 
• What will my life be like one year from now if I don't compared to this? 
• What effect doesn't this decision have on others?

Like I said here...this is like a diet. When you cheat, who are you cheating?

Motherhood: A Balancing Act Part 4- A Healthy Mommy -How to get in your Skinny Jeans in 7 days or less!

I don’t know about you, but right now, I don’t have time to go to the gym, or at least it doesn't seem like I do. I know that I could always go to bed later and get up earlier to carve out the time to do the things that I want/need to do, but the bed just calls my name. I have to submit, hey, sleep is an important part of weight management as well. But back to the issue at hand. I barely have time to have a Mommy time out, let alone drive to a gym and workout. 

I do have a Treadclimber and Bowflex in residence but by the time I put the babe in bed, I am too tired or maybe too lazy. I haven't decided which it might be. Actually, probably the lazy part. 

I do try to get on the Treadclimber and go at it for a while. But it is nothing like I used to be able to do or have time for. I used to be so active running at least 3-5 miles a day 4-5 days a week right up until the last month before my son was born. What the effff happened to that? I know what happened...a baby. 

I do want to get back to getting my runs/walks in, doing some Zumba, lifting weights, and generally getting my body to not feel sooo squishy. I mean I feel like I look good for a mommy. I don't have stretch marks on my belly nor do I have a belly that laps over my pants but I do lack the tone that I really desire. It is the tone that I want to get back. To be honest, I want to be better than I was before the baby just to prove to myself and to other mommies out there that it can be done. (Because I thought a baby would turn my body inside out and upside down and one main reason that I never wanted to have children til just a few years ago). But, again, with the right steps and attitude you can look just like or better than you did before. It just takes dedication.

I do try to do baby exercise like lifting him up in the air with my feet, or doing sit up while playing with him or carrying him up and down the stairs up-teen times. He is my almost 25 pound weight that I have on me at almost all times. 

I am glad that it is getting a little less scorching out now so I can whip out my baby jogger that I won on a contest and take my little man for a walk, jog or run (depending on how I am feeling that day) around the subdivision. 

I do not get to work out as much as I would like to. I do however do little things that I think add up. Fidgetcise...sounds like a load of crap but hey while you are waiting on dinner, getting ready in the morning, do chest presses on the kitchen counter, leg lifts, squats, etc. Little things do really add up. Promise!

That is not a fuzzy, wuzzy spidey in my hair, but part of a bow type thing. Idk what I was thinking!

I am always on the go and never it seems to have time to sit down. 

In addition to doing exercise, you can't always (notice I said ALWAYS, which leaves us girls a little wiggle and jiggle room) stuff your mouth with cupcakes and corndogs. It would be nice though wouldn't it? 

My post baby diet and exercise (or lack thereof to some people) has caused me to weigh in at 108 ( smaller than before baby) and all my 0 and 2s pants are a little looser now than they used to be. 

Ladies, I swear by the Belly Bandit (BFF). So much that I was in my skinny jeans in less than 7 DAYS!!! I kid you not. It was so impressive to my friend that she just had a baby yesterday and one of the first thing that she got was the exact same Belly Bandit (the BFF)that I had to help her lose the Baby Belly. She is loving it. It really helps with those back aches too post preggo.

I am a healthy eater 90 percent of the time. Mexican and pizza though are a big weakness. Nachos and Veggie loaded pizza-yummo. 

My diet- although I don't really call it a diet because I don't feel like I am missing something that I want-looks a little like this. 

(not all at once)

Breakfast 
Shredded Wheat, Egg Whites, Hard-boiled eggs and fruit, fruit salad and yogurt, yogurt parfait, veggie omelet with salsa, avocado and egg english muffin sandwich, oatmeal or a fritata. 

Lunch
Salad with protein like hardboiled egg, grilled chicken, or cottage cheese, soup, chili, yogurt parfait

Dinner
Grilled chicken or pork tenderloin, lots of veggies (broccoli is a fave), salad with protein, soup, pasta (always whole grain or brown rice pasta) always with something like broccoli or other veggies in the sauce. I am a big veggie and fruit girl. I think I could easily be a vegetarian. 

Snacks
Hard boiled egg, yogurt, nuts, fruits, veggies, occasionally a Fiber One Bar of some sort, that occasional Reese's cup that just jumps in my mouth

Not a 2008 picture, just a 2008 rag I love.

Eating is all about balance. It isn't an all or nothing kind of thing. If I know that I didn't eat so healthy one night because my husband and I had a date and I picked a not so healthy dish because I don't do that often and a beverage other than water, then well, I know that my choices need to be better the next day. Do I punish myself for making a bad choice? No way. I know that if I don't do that for myself on occasion then I will binge at one point, and I don't want to do that. An occasional bite of chocolate cake will help me from trying to devour a whole cake.  

Just like everything else in this life it is a Balancing Act. You have to be able to balance out life, work, children, food, exercise, time, and whatever else fills your life at the moment. But if something is important to you, then you make it a priority and you just do it. No excuses! I know I have my excuses that I use-I am tired, the baby didn't sleep good, that cupcake just looked too good to be true but in the long run, it is like a diet, when I cheat, who am I really cheating?! MYSELF!

FROM THIS TO.....

THIS IN 1 WEEK FLAT!

One week postpartum-if you look closely you can see the Belly Bandit on underneath

Add caption

Motherhood: A Balancing Act Part 3- A Mommy Time Out

Well, if being a mommy isn't enough. You have to add in going back to work. This causes a little bit of a time crunch. It also creates less time for us to have time for us. You can read about my time crunch here.

We hear all the time about our children getting a Time Out for bad behavior. Some parents have their child sit in the corner, some have them face the wall, some have them go to their room (where I am sure that they are not sitting and reflecting on what they actually did wrong) some, like me, actually have this cute time out bench and timer. 

But what do we do when WE need a time out? 

Motherhood: A Balancing Act Part 3- 

A Mommy Time Out

A mental break from being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, a citizen of this society and world. How do we steal away those precious moments that help us regain our composure and perspective? Especially when we have a husband asking what’s for dinner, a child fussing because he wants you to hold him, your mother (though she means well) asking you how you fold your laundry when it would take more time to explain how you fold it then just doing it yourself or having her do it her own way.

Quite frankly, I get very ill (aka not a nice person) if I don’t get some time out time everyday. Sometimes, I am just like, I am done. My brain, my body can’t process anymore. I lock myself in the bathroom, run a hot bath, grab a good book, a good drink (my favorite right now is strawberry kiwi Ice with a splash or two of pineapple and some fresh strawberries). Oh my goodness, it is to die for. AND it is alcohol free! For a little color, I add a smidgen of Sugar Free Torani raspberry syrup. Then, I steal my time. I am talking I really steal my time by taking it away from other things-especially after the little guy is in bed.

I take a T.O. for me. If I don’t, I feel like a crap teacher, mother and wife. We all need a little break. Even if it is for 15, 10, even 5 minutes. Even if it is walking to the mailbox, taking a hot bath, making that drink, searching online for a cute dress that might make you feel like a hottie again instead of just some little guy's mommy. 

My first real evening out for a birthday party!

Sometimes, mommies have the bad reputation of making other mommies feel badly. Why? Why do we do this to one another? Sometimes, my own mother makes me feel that way. It is like nothing I do is ever good enough. Again, why?

Isn't our job hard enough already? Why do we have to reduce ourselves to our 12 and 13 year old drama queen selves by comparing us to others and listing all the things we do better than another mom or that another mom does something better than we do. In this Pinterest laden, Facebook, Twitter world the competition to be super mom is fierce. I am one to say, I don't want to compete. I don't want to tear down other mommies who are just trying to do the same job that I am doing-raise my child. 

We criticize over the laundry, the dishes, the way we are rearing our children, what we do in our spare time, the fact that we go to the gym instead of spending time with our kids, the fact that we go out on dates with our spouses instead being with our kids, and so many other things. Can’t we just cut each other a little slack? 

Seriously you all, I don't want to appear in an episode of MEAN GIRLS-except all the girls are not girls but women who just want to be overly catty to one other and overly critical of everything that another mommy does that is not exactly the same as "the group" or the "norm" or even that one person. 

The pressure to be perfect is paramount. If I don't throw my son this kind of birthday party then I am not a good mom, or if I don't breastfeed then my son will not be as smart, if I do a cry it out bedtime then my son will be unattached. (Effff) Really? None of that is true. Everyone has their own little quirks-whether you are the brainiac maniac, or the organic green godess,or the Foody Freaker, or the Lactation Activist, or the Opinionator, or the Living Camera Lens, or Face in the Phone mommy...we are all different. We are all just trying to do our job at raising our children. I don't know about you...BUT...

I am NOT freaking Martha Stewart. 

I am not a Stepford Wife. 

I am Jone, mother to Korbin and wife of Jeffrey. 

I do things my own way, in my own time. I am not perfect and don’t ever plan to be.

But if you are, please, please leave me a note with sure fire directions on how to be perfect and I’ll do it just for you.

Motherhood: A Balancing Act Part 2-Rejoining the Workforce

Previously, I spoke about trying to balance my life out after a baby and how I was completely dropping the ball after trying to balance it and everything else that life has to throw at you with a new baby. I struggled for a long time with the idea of having to go back to work and leave my son. The thought almost devastated me. But finally five months in, I accepted it and then:

Motherhood: A Balancing Act: Part II-Rejoining the Workforce

Previously, I spoke about trying to Balance my life out after a baby and how I was completely dropping the ball, among other things. You can read it here.

Teaching was always my calling in life. When I was little and someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never answered “A Princess, or “She-Ra” or a “doctor” or a “lawyer”. I simply answered “A Teacher.”

Someone once told me that teachers were not made but born that way. This profession truly is a calling, and I heard my name being called loud and clear from the time I was old enough to play school with my stuffed animals and my baby dolls. Being a teacher for me was my niche. It was were I belonged.

Everything else in my world could be falling apart and to pieces (and has) but I still had my job to cling to. I had my students.

My house might have been disorganized disarray but my classroom was organized down to the last book. I had filing systems, book systems, and lists for my lists. My main strengths were always my planning and organizing. I guess that is why I like to plan well anything-parties, birthdays, trips). If the truth be known, the easiest way to make me happy and make me feel useful is to give me something to plan.

My marriage (not this one) might have been crumbling in around me, but you would never know it. Not at school. At school, I was different. I was in my element. Looking back on it now, if I had not had my job, I might have went straight-jacket psycho during these major upheavals in my life. But my job kept me grounded; it kept me focused and secure in an otherwise crazy time in my life. It kept me going.

Before I got pregnant, actually before I even married Jeffrey, I had this notion that if I ever did get pregnant (which was a real doubt in my mind that I would ever want to have a carbon copy of me or worse, my spouse running around) that I would casually take my 6 week maternity leave and then be right back without missing a step. I knew I couldn't stay away from the job that held me together during one of the toughest times in my life. Then, I married Jeffrey and go pregnant with Korbin Bru.

I began thinking, Welllllll, I could take my sick days that I had banked up off, and just stay out through the semester and come back at the beginning of the New Year. I told myself that would make much more sense anyway, instead of flipping back and forth with teachers. Or at least that is what I tried to convince myself of.

 Then, Korbin Bru came along and changed my life, my world forever, on September 7, 2012. It wasn’t until about Thanksgiving that I started getting very antsy about returning to work. I started doubting if I should leave my son. Truth is he slept so crappy at 2-3 hour stretches, I didn't know if I could physically do it on the rest he allowed me at night.

However, around Christmas time, I became resigned to the fact that I was going to have to suck it up and go back to work. Then, Korbin became sick and was diagnosed with RSV. He was put on breathing treatments around the clock 24 hours a day 5-6 times a day. I knew I couldn't trust anyone else to giving him the treatments or the other medications that he had to take. The poor baby had 8 different things that he had to have everyday that his changing table was starting to look like a mini pharmacy. So I didn’t return to work until a couple of months later, when I had a healthy baby boy again.

We finally decided, well more likely, our back account decided that it was time for me to return to work. During this time, my husband was asked to resign from his position at his company and decided to take time off before going back to work. Fortunately for him, he is well known in his business and had his pick of different job opportunities that we knew that he could have a job the same day he resigned. That was a relief. It is also a good thing that we both believe in saving for a rainy day because it allowed us to both have time off to take care of our little man.

Motherhood: A Balancing Act: An Interlude

As I mentioned in my previous post (you can read about it here), I was trying to balance motherhood and failing miserably, or at least what I would consider failing miserably. 

I wanted to be a stay at home mommy because maybe some part of me thought that I would get more accomplished if I had more hours in the day at home. That I would get more play time and snuggle time with this little handsome face. That is a joke. A big HAHAHAHA!

But somehow, the reality is quite the opposite. There is no time. Seriously, if you don't believe me, take time out to stay at home and see exactly how much you actually accomplish. If you accomplished lot, please email me and tell me all your secrets!!! I have tried schedules, nap time coffee drinking try to do everything at once binges, and wait til daddy's home to try to get something accomplished. Nothing worked the way that I needed it to in terms of getting the time I needed to accomplish all those things that needed to be accomplished, let alone do anything that I WANTED to do.

If I had been a stay at home mommy much longer, I am not sure if I would have gotten anything done. It seemed that my Saturday and Sunday with my son were less productive than the actual days that I had to go to work. What is up with that? 

A person would assume the opposite would be true. One would assume that a stay at home mommy has nothing else to do but watch a kid, but guys it is SOOOOOOOO much more than that! I promise you, it is soooooo much more. So don't dis those stay at home mommies because it is much more than a mommy that stays in her pjs all day (although that can be fun too). I PROMISE YOU!!

However, in the barefoot world, or at least in my barefoot world, work (job related) time is quickly pushed aside. What is it pushed aside for? That is easy. It is for play time, mommy's craft time, or barefoot in the kitchen time. 

However, even those moments (mommy's craft time or kitchen time) are quickly replaced with cuddles and snuggles.  

And work (as in the stuff I need to do to make our household run halfway efficiently or heck even at all) is replaced with storybook time, or  it is replaced with whatever else is left to do in the fraction of time that I seem to have to do it.

I will tell you what, those of you who are really listening. I have a new-found respect for the mommies out there, especially the stay at home ones. 

You must have some kind of schedule that I have no clue about (but would love to hear about seeing as how different school breaks are fast approaching, and I will again be a stay at home mommy for a little while at least). 

I have no clue as to what kind of schedule or how I am going to structure my day and my son's day. I don't want to do a complete upheaval of his routine as it is. 

SO MOMMIES OF THE WORLD HELP ME TO HELP MY SON:: give me guidance.

I respect us mommies out there. So much more now, than I did even 8-9 or even 13 months ago. We are mommies. 

We are mommies when we are hurt, or sick, or tired. 

We do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the bottles, the diapers, the bedtimes and God knows what else which leaves us with virtually no time at the end of the day for us. Because we are mommies.

I feel like I "literally" have to claw my way to carve out some "me" time and usually that means something has to be put aside.  Even if it is for 30 minutes or even til the next day-heaven forbid. But ladies, it is essential to take a moment or two or even three to make some time for yourself. It is essential for you as a mommy. It is essential for you as a wife. It is essential for you as a woman and a human being. If you dedicate your entire life to one thing and one thing only it is gonna make for a pretty terrible outcome. Again, it is all about BALANCE. It is also about knowing that even in that balance, it is OKAY to drop the ball.

Trust me, those dishes aren't going anywhere ladies, and they certainly aren't going to be fairy god-mothered and get up dancing and find themselves magically washed in the correct cabinet. 

Those things only happen in children's movies-in real life-only we wished. 

That is, unless you have a sweet hubby like mine who doesn't mind (occasionally) getting his hands dirty with the "womanly" duties.

 (As long as he refuses to wear the ice blue colored gown or even the daisy looking Vera Bradley print apron in the pantry, we are a okay).

Anyway, but by the time you steal away a second of time for yourself, then it is midnight.  So you pour yourself into bed, too tired to talk to your spouse, let alone watch a movie or be intimate. 

It is funny, I can remember a time when my husband and I couldn't watch a whole entire movie together and it wasn't because we were falling asleep. Oh no. It was that we couldn't keep our hands off one another. Tickling, poking at, cuddling up, and whatever goes on behind closed bedroom doors. 

But life, she changes. 

A baby changes your life. I am not saying that to freak you out, but you need to know that. 
Especially those teenagers of mine who think that everything is going to be a fairy tale because they are now pregnant. Oh you poor girls. You just don't understand do you?Never, ever will things be the same again. EVER.

A BABY

It changes your relationship. Unfortunately, too many relationships now are built on the wrong things and cannot withstand the strain that a new baby can bring. Because I can guarantee you, your life is going to change. It will be different, whether you are in your 30s like me or in your 20s or even your teens. I guarantee you that you have never experienced this kind of upheaval in your life before. 

If there is someone out there whose relationship didn't change even in the least little bit, I would love to meet you because you are truly an anomaly in my opinion. 

I thought my relationship was like the brick house. Like the brick house in the three little pigs...unmovable, unshakable and unable to be blown away by the storm or even pesky wolves in sheep's clothing.

But if all the residents of said brick house do not feel the same way,then the brick might as well have been straw or sticks. If one doubts, then your "house" is at risk. So said the last little pig. 

Now, I am not a little pig but a human being and for the rest of us out there, when you have a child, your relationship will/might stall out. It will be like you are on hold listening to that god awful elevator music. The biggest problem will be that the elevator is stuck in between floors and you can't get off. And the music keeps playing and playing and playing til you want to pluck your eyeballs straight out your head and put 3 lbs of pressure on each of your ears to remove them. 

It will remain that way-same ol' level, same ol' song, until you press a button-until you change it-until you make it a priority and get that elevator moving. Go up or down or even go Willy Wonka style and take it sideways and slantway-just get it moving again.

(I know it is crappy for a teacher to start a sentence with and and because but it is totally warranted in this particular situation) 

AND it is a priority! 
BECAUSE your children learn how to love from you. They look to you and what do you want them to see?

I want to teach and show my son how it is to love and be loved. I want him to see what love is and should be through us-my husband and I. 

Research shows ( I know there I go spouting research again in the middle of a serious, although somewhat funny topic) that we emulate our parents. 

If that is the case, I want my son to emulate what we were before sleepless nights, parenting conflicts, and time management or lack there of, claimed our lives.

Like I said, it is about priorities. Your priorities should be you, your children, and your spouse (not necessarily in that order and not necessarily the whole list). The other stuff, well it can wait. You can drop the ball. It will always be the OTHER stuff. 

The less important stuff. I guarantee it will always be there;however, you, your family, your children, your spouse, well they may not.