It is funny when those moments hit you. You know the ones. The ones where you just stare off into space with this smile on your face that is half goofy, half happy. The ones where someone can look at you and know what you are thinking of without actually saying anything. Yesterday was America's Birthday (Happy 4th of July), and it was the first July since I met my husband that I actually got to spend it with him because his dealership was closed (thank you Honda for allowing your employees to spend time with their families).
Yesterday, I got to spend uninterrupted time with him. It was so nice to be able to love up on him, hold him, touch him, kiss him (and I did-LOTS). I can't quite explain what I feel when I am with him and when I am not. I love everything about him, and it is funny that that love has gotten stronger ever since we found out that we were expecting. It is like I have a new way to love him-through our son. It is an incredible feeling.
I find myself just watching my husband and thinking that I would do it all over again. I have not always had the easiest life, nor made the correct choices especially when it came to men and relationships. He and I both had very different lives before we met each other. More than once he has said that he wished that he had met me earlier in life. But, I always have to disagree. I don't think that we would be the people we are today without enduring what we both have had to endure. Our "old" lives have taught us very, very important lessons that we live by today. We know what things really matter and what things really don't. It is those times spent around the kitchen table having dinner and discussing the day or what is going on in each other's life that is important. It is those times spent on the couch (and not on two seperate couches), cuddled up-maybe not making out like you do in those first days, months, or even years but with each other none the less that is important. It is those times where you are completely silent but understand exactly what it is your spouse is thinking or feeling. It is those times that we realize that we are getting "frustrated" usually at a situation instead of each other but knowing that if we keep going that we are going to take anger out on each other-it is that knowledge that makes us both stop and reassess the situation for the problem and come up with a solution together. I am proud to say that Jeffrey and I have never truly had a "fight". We have had disagreements, and we have been upset with the other, but we are experienced enough now to be able to work through it together without yelling, or tears, or mean hurtful words. We are partners but most importantly, we are friends.
As I sat watching my husband yesterday (whether it was talking with my friend's husband, sitting and lounging in a chair, or talking to new people) I felt my heart swell with love. He was what I dreamed of-minus the fact that wherever he takes something off is where it stays and maybe he is not the most romantic man in the world but he does try(tonight he came home and told me to get packed to go to the beach on a surprise trip but due to it being a holiday weekend the hotels were booked so we are sticking with the original plan but still such a sweet idea)-sorry honey you can't be perfect...lol).
It is in these simple moments, these simple things, and even the failed attempts at being romantic...haha...that I realize that I would do it all again. I would endure every hurt, every relationship, every tearful night, (all these things not with him-lol) as long as I ended up here, with him. I didn't know when I was 22 what real love was, even when I pledged it. I am older now, wiser, different. I am different because of him, because of what he has done to me. He has changed me. He makes me want to be better, to do better, to live better. He makes me realize what I was missing all along-my family. It may just be him and my little pup and our growing little unborn son, but it is mine. I guess the feelings that I have are of a completeness. It is a wholeness that I never knew before. Finally, I have a sense of pure peace. I am home.
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