a bag full of yuck

....And that is what I feel like. I have had this terrible cold since Sunday. My nose is running like a water hose. I just feel so cruddy. My hubby has been trying to take care of me and pamper me. Right now, all I want is a hot toddy (which I won't have) and a big slice of pizza dipped in ranch (which I probably will have) and a big brownie (which I probably don't have). It is 61 degrees outside and I am curled up on the couch in my favorite comfy pants and sweatshirt, with the fireplace blazing and the tv turned on a movie channel. I figure after a long day at work (teaching kids that want to question everything-as most 8th graders do) can sometimes be a challenge...especially on a pregnant lady who doesn't feel 100%. I will tell you what...I have found a little piece of heaven in Resurrection Rolls. Yummy. Because I haven't felt good lately, and because I am tired in the mornings, I have either been eating my chocolate oatmeal (oatmeal with diet swiss miss hot chocolate swirled in with pecan chips and a teaspoon of peanut butter chips finely chopped up) or eating my little egg mini-frittatas and whole wheat toast with a tab of butter (which I have never ever been fond of but I need my whole grain servings).

6 Weeks

Black cheetah shrug is from Body Central
Black top is from JcPenney

How far along?  6 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  0 (yay) even though I feel as I am eating more, my husband even made the comment that I am eating a little more, but I am exercising so it balances it out. I seriously eat all the time, but I am a grazer. A couple almonds here, a wheat thin or two here, a couple of cherry tomatoes here...lol.
Maternity clothes?  Nope
Stretch marks?  Nooooo. Hubby has rubbed me down with cocoa butter every night just like he said he wanted to.
Sleep:  Good, still get a little tired every now and then, and want or need a nap. I notice I have to go to bed a little earlier and I don't want to get out of the bed when the alarm goes off. .
Best moment this week:  I have to say it is not just a moment per se’, it is more a collection of moments. I just love when my husband comes home from work and kisses me and places his hand on my stomach and asks how are my babies today (me and the baby-not twins-at least we hope). Or he will come in and gives me a kiss then he gives me a kiss on the belly. It almost is enough to make me cry. I also am enjoying search for our home. To pick out the perfect home for our future family is a lot, and we want to make sure that it is just right for our family. We want to make sure that it fits our needs and can grow with us.
Have you told family and friends:  Not yet, a few people know, just for job purposes and such, but no family members know yet.
Miss Anything?  No, not yet. Maybe my pep, as I seem to move a little slower than usual.
Movement:  No
Food cravings: Occasionally I want something sweet, but I can easily quell it with a soaked ginger ale strawberry. Oh soooo good.  
Anything making you queasy or sick:  I feel a little queasy here and there, but have yet to have to hug the porcelain thrown.
Have you started to show yet:  No
Gender prediction:  Still sticking with a girl
Labor Signs:  No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy, actually happy doesn't quite describe it.
Weekly Wisdom:  Try not to worry and put my faith in my husband and God, that everything will be fine with our little Baby Boak.
Looking forward to: Still looking forward to seeing our little Baby Boak and telling my parents. I am looking forward to our appointment this week. I hope that everything is okay. 

A beautiful picture

We saw our beautiful little baby on the screen. A little misty eyed on my part.

Can you spare some "change"?

Change….a term that has always alluded me, or rather, I alluded it.  I have always shied away from change, or actually, ran away from it. I have seemingly beaten off change with a baseball bat. I have played hide and seek with it, cowering in corridors and corners trying to avoid its “death” shroud as its shadow silently passes me by. I thought that if I closed my eyes, if I didn’t see it, then it couldn’t see me. I would be invisible. It seems fitting now, in a new year, and in a new age bracket, that it is different for me now. In fact, I find that not only am I embracing change, I am in fact, welcoming it with arms wide open. 

Pictures

5 weeks

Yellow shirt is from Old Navy

Earrings from Body Central

How far along?  5 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  0 (yay) even though I feel as I am eating more
Maternity clothes?  Nope
Stretch marks?  Nooooo.
Sleep:  Good, still get a little tired every now and then, and want or need a nap.
Best moment this week:  having a four day weekend to search the internet for products, ideas and inspirations
Have you told family and friends:  Not yet
Miss Anything?  No, not yet.
Movement:  No
Food cravings:  Seriously, no. I cannot believe it either because I am always craving something, usually it is Mexican or pizza or Italian.
Anything making you queasy or sick:  No, again I am surprised because I used to get motion sickness all the time when I was younger. It almost makes me worry that I am not pregnant. (lol)
Have you started to show yet:  No
Gender prediction:  Still sticking with a girl
Labor Signs:  No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy, but I did have a short episode Sunday morning in the kitchen. I was trying to cook breakfast and do the dishes. A pan just did not want to stay in the cabinet. Finally, I had to walk away and Jeff had to do it after I belted out “I hate this house!” It does seem like small things grate on my nerves a little more, but I am not what you would call moody. My husband would tell me if I was being “moody”.
Weekly Wisdom:  Do not get ahead of myself. Take things slow. Enjoy every moment. Snuggle up in every waking moment that I have with my husband and my growing baby Boak. This time will only happen once. Savor it.
Looking forward to: Still looking forward to seeing our little munchin and telling my parents. I think we have the idea down to a science. Now, it is just the wait, and unfortunately, it is going to be a little less than 2 weeks before we go to see them. 

a little stick

There are times when what I really want is a big stick. However, when it comes to needles, the smaller, the better. Today's blood work...HURT. My veins have the tendency to try to plan hide and seek and right as she went to stick me, guess what...they hid. She almost missed, and it hurt so bad. What makes it worse, is because she didn't get a direct hit, it took even longer than normal for the blood to drain.  OWWWW... So I am waiting for my results.
We went and looked at a house which has all the potential in the world. At 5,000 square feet sitting on 4 acres this house and property was probably something to look at back in mid 1980's when it was built. That being said, I loved the huge stone columns, the huge, I mean huge deck that extends around the side of the house, the kitchen with its granite and copper counter tops and double wall ovens, I love the antique claw foot tub, and the sunken hot tub in the master and the fact that the walk in closet is the size of my bedroom now, and the fact that it has an outdoor fireplace and a level back yard, BUT....it is going to require so much work. The potential for the house is huge, the price right now, is not so much. Tonight the hubby and I discussed the work and money that would have to go into the house. Our agent is looking up stuff-KUB, gas, water, etc. If we could get that house at a price, it would be exactly right. I stood in the room that would be Baby Boak's and started envisioning. I could see our little family there. I could envision the family dinners, and Christmas times with all the family. I could see outdoor parties on the porch and possibly an in ground pool in the backyard (eventually). Hey, I am a teacher. I need SOMETHING to do with my summers since I have finished all of my schooling. Our dog Bella would love it; her own personal HUGE bathtub. lol. This is a big decision with a lot of work. We must sleep on it.

Yuck!

The title pretty much sums it up. I feel like yuck. I am soooo queasy. I bought some of those motion sickness bands for my cruise this past December, and I am really contemplating putting one on. I had to take a nap, which I almost never do. Now, I just feel yucky. Luckily, tomorrow is my last day for the week as I have to take Friday off. But in tomorrow, I have to finish planning for the sub, go to the Doctor's for the second blood test, then meet with our realtor to look at 2 houses. So much to do. Then, I find out today that our friend at schools baby shower has been moved from the 30th, to the 24. Not only do I now have to make 2 diaper cakes, but I also have to make some sort of finger food for the 24. Unlucky me, I am sure everyone wants my cake balls. So I think I will get strawberry cake, and white cake and tint it blue and dip the balls in the white chocolate. Then, I think I will put some sort of cutesy saying on my basket since the parents do not know the baby's gender. I think it will be cute. I hope it is not the start of puking rally, I have so much to do. On a positive note, the doctor's appointment is scheduled for one week from tomorrow. I can't wait to see our baby.

A Tuesday Monday

Have you ever had one of those days where things go from bad to worse? Well that usually happens on Mondays at my job. However, since yesterday was MLK day we were out of school. So "someone" decided to make this a Tuesday Monday for me. I had to go into the doctor's office yesterday for blood work. They told me they would call me today. They did, early this morning and told me I needed a retest. They didn't really explain why but told me I needed to come in Thursday. As the girl kept talking, I started to sweat. Finally, I said honey you are scaring me. She told me that some stuff was low and I might have to take medication, blah blah, blah. I think I tuned her out by then and let sheer panic overtake me. I called my husband freaking out. He is the most wonderful man in the world and yes I know that I am bias. He took it upon himself to call the nurse and have a 15 minute conversation with her about the "situation". When he called me back he was able to calm me down and explain that she should have told me that everyone has to have the retest. It wasn't just specific to me. Then, he told me my HCG levels were fine, but my progesterone levels were low, not dangerously low though. Then, he went on to tell me that the nurse even said it could be because we were not able to nail down an exact date of my last period because of the starting at night on the ninth/tenth, stopping on the eleventh, and starting back on the twelfth. But it was enough, to almost send this girl (who like never cries) into tears. I was so worried for the life growing inside of me. But I cross my fingers that all will be alright and baby Boak will be just fine and we will see her in 9 months. Pray.

a memory book for me

I read something today that really made me stop and think. I created this blog, not for others but for myself. I could care less if others are reading it, commenting on it, or hating it. Sometimes we have trouble expressing verbally all our thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Me, personally, I have a hard time talking. I do so much better when I can write down what it is that I am thinking.
This blog is about my personal journey, my journey with my husband, and the journey to create, grow, and raise baby Boak. Maybe the day will come that I no longer need this blog, and maybe it won't. But until then, for me it is an outlet. It is a place that I feel that I can go to express myself without reservations, even though I know the whole world might be watching, I do not care. For me, it is just me looking. I know this is just an online "diary" but it is mine, and I am working on finding my voice as an expecting mother. I have my own style, but can draw inspiration from others.
You know in my job as a teacher, the reason I am so successful is my partner in crime C. We plan together, build lesson plans together, and can finish each other's ideas and thoughts. We "feed" off of each other, just like in this world we feed off of other people's thoughts, ideas, inspirations, pictures, blogs, Pinterest, and other social media. That doesn't make the individual any less individual.
I know that I day will never come that we no longer need the social connections that we are privy to today, but maybe one day I will be able to "fly" on my own. Until then, I will search through  ideas for nurseries, I will search for what others have said about the best and safest crib, I will search for ideas on special gifts for my husband, I will search for many things. And although I may use some of the information and ideas that I find floating out there on the wide world of the internet, I will take them and make them my own. I will find a way to give it my own voice and my own flavor.
I want to teach my baby to find his or her own voice, even if they have to "listen" to other's voices first. Anyway, it is the voices of my mother and father that taught me what I needed to know growing up. It is a voice that I still carry with me. Whether it is "be smart" or something else, I still hear their wise words, and I just hope that my "voice" is strong enough to be carried by Baby Boak for the rest of his or her life.

Online Shopping

So it is Sunday Funday and the hubby is at work (bleh). The only good point is he is making money, which is a good thing due to all the (window) online shopping I have been doing today. I've been to ETSY, Motherhood Maternity (which I have to say there is a maxi dress I want right NOW...it is sooo pretty and maxi dresses with my cowboy boots and blue jean jacket are just my style right now, I have also been to BABY'S R Us, Cheap and Chic nurseries, (since I just finished Doctorate school and now the hubby is working on the last few classes before starting his Master's, so money is not in abundance at the moment), which leads me into one of my favorite stores 15dollarstore.com...they have everything, and all for 15 dollars. I found quite a few things that are a must have, tunics and empire waisted stuff for when I get into my 2nd trimester as I am one of those that will put off wearing maternity clothes at all costs. I hate FRUMPY (funny story-when my friend moved into her house, she had me come over and "clean" out her closet, tossing out anything that she didn't or shouldn't wear anymore. I think we got rid of like 2 huge boxes of stuff-mostly those that made her look frumpy instead of polished). Anyway, even while I am pregnant, I want to look my best. I am hopeful that it will not be too difficult as I really like dresses, and I feel like I can use at least 3/4 of my dresses for a long while. Plus I have been to a whole host of other sites today, including some of my favorite baby blogs.

Craft day

 Photos on my wall going up the stairs of random abstract wedding pictures

 my pinterest scarf, so easy

 my healthy mexican pizza & it sure beats Taco Bell

my dry erase board created for under 2 dollars!

I am feeling very "nesty" and "crafty" today. I have cleaned the downstairs, garage, and thrown away soooo much clutter. I have also took breaks to make some crafts.

4 weeks

Shirt is from Belk

How far along?  4 weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  0; starting weight is 111.6 and at 5' 6, I fall slightly under the normal weight for my height.
Maternity clothes?  Nope.
Stretch marks?  No, and my husband will rub cocoa butter on my belly every night to prevent them…lol
Sleep:  I want to all the time…does this count?
Best moment this week:  Telling my husband that we are pregnant. It was the most wonderful moment. He was in disbelief until his saw the tests. We are soooo happy.
Have you told family and friends:  No, we are waiting for now, at least till after my doctor’s appointment in 2 weeks. We are coming up with the perfect idea for telling everyone. However, I did have to tell my best friend that I teach with. She knows me too well and knew something was up.
Miss Anything?  Not yet. But I have checked out non alcoholic beer and wine online...lol
Movement:  No.
Food cravings: No.
Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not yet.
Have you started to show yet:  No, and hopefully not for a while.
Gender prediction:  Chinese calendar says GIRL!
Labor Signs:  No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off?  On
Happy or Moody most of the time:  I am soooo happy!!!!
Weekly Wisdom:  Plan, Plan, Plan
Looking forward to: Telling everyone and seeing the baby for the first time.

BFP!!!!!!

Sooooo....I took a test this morning. I must have stood and watched it as it turned into a big fat positive. Jeff was sleeping or I might have screamed for joy. I was a little dumbfounded so I decided to take another test. Again it was positive. I went to kiss Jeff goodbye before I left for my job. He woke up. I said, "Come here and give your baby a kiss." (and like I suspected, he kissed me on the lips). I looked at him and said, "You don't follow directions very well. I said for you to give your baby a kiss, maybe I should have said give your Hadley (the name we have called baby Boak forever) a kiss." He sat straight up and was like no way. He was like take a test. I told him that I already had. He was still in disbelief and I was like go look. He was like no. This went on for about 3 minutes before he finally got up and went and looked.  He came back to the bedroom and held out his arms. I went to him and he picked me up and hugged me. I think we both were fighting tears. It was really personal and sweet and I don't think that moment will ever leave my mind or heart. I called and made an appointment. I have blood work next Monday and in 2 weeks the Doctors appointment. It was actually scheduled well because he is off on the Thursday. I am overjoyed, nervous, excited, happy, scared...I didn't know this many emotions could exist in my heart. We are planning how we are going to tell my mom and dad. This has been a dream for them ever since I was like 21. They never thought I would have a baby so they are going to be in for a big, big surprise.

Sunday Funday

I enjoy lazy Sundays. However, I enjoy working in the house with my hubby to get it ready to sell as well. I am still staying positive as no signs of AF are around. I have been looking at houses today, in addition to the ones that we have already picked to look at on our ...what now like third or fourth house hunting trip. We are soooooo ready to find something that is just exactly right for us and our "little" family. Hopefully, we have lots of good news very soon.

Negative

So I know curiosity killed the cat....but I couldn't help myself this morning. I thought that since my last visit from AF was a little off, then it was possible to see a "positive" result. But, no such luck or joy. My husband says still too early, so we will wait a couple more days. I woke this morning with some awful cramps, like it was time for me to start but the funny thing is I have never been a person to really experience cramps. So it was very odd. I read on 2ww websites that that occurs sometimes. So I still have my fingers crossed that we will still have a BFP this month. 

Fears

I have a serious fear of the upcoming days as I wait on something that may or may not come. I feel  a little sick even as I sit here and wait. My husband is picking up a pizza, and I am looking forward to veggin' on the coach with him and maybe watch a movie or play cards or something. He hasn't been feeling all that great lately, so I may have caught what he had but I guess I am still hopeful that it is "something" else. I have to admit that last night, while looking online for a yellow/golden cardigan, I bounded upon a section of maternity clearance. I began imagining if I was pregnant, what types of clothes I would need. (It would be September so summer-y type things would be what I would need). I found myself daydreaming about baby Boak. I even had a very vivid dream that I found out that I was pregnant with a girl. I am crossing my fingers that it is true.

LET IT SNOW

Was only expecting flurries and got quite a bit. I have felt super tired today for some reason, spent most of my day on the couch watching movies, searching pinterest and etsy. I did manage to fix a caramelized onion bisque, which was surprising good (Hungry girl recipe).

My DIY Chalkboard

After a inspiring look on pinterest, I got inspired to try my hand at making a chalkboard. It turned out great and I am already planning on creating another (hopefully bigger). Thanks to pinterest, I got the idea to use it in the baby's room whenever we get pregnant. I plan on using it to document my weekly "baby bump". I have to get some colored chalk, as  right now I only have the white but still, I LOVE it!